Happy New Year!
It’s that time of year when a lot of people set their goals and resolutions for the year ahead. And yet, for a lot of us, just a few months down the track most of our resolutions have been broken, we feel guilty and we feel like we’ve failed.
Why is that?
Often it’s because we set the wrong types of goals and resolutions in the first place.
This happens when we are subconsciously feeling ‘not good enough’… and then we load ourselves up too much with massive resolutions to change. We go to extremes because we’re overcompensating.
(If you suspect feeling ‘not good enough’ may be an issue for you, read my blog on “Healing the Wound of Not Enough”)
Goals based on feeling not good enough are like: “I’m not healthy enough… I’m too fat, or I’m too weak, or I’m too whatever… so I’m going to work out 6 times a week this year.” Or: “I didn’t achieve enough last year and I feel like I’m not keeping up, so I’m going to load myself up with tons of tasks so I’ll feel better about myself.”
The reason this approach often fails, is because it’s a punishment based approach. We’re punishing ourselves for what we didn’t do or didn’t achieve last year.
Even though it seems like we’re making positive steps by setting these resolutions, psychologically speaking, it’s not a positive approach. And, worse… it’s just not fun.
If you want to do the kind of goal setting that works, then it’s vital to start with WHY you’re setting the goals in the first place. Your underlying intent is very important.
(I’ve written before about my 3 Step process for better goal setting here:
If a goal is coming from a place that feels bad… if it feels like a compensation for not being good enough… if it feels like punishment… you’re gonna stop doing it.
Yeah, you’ll probably feel guilty when you stop, and you’ll probably feel like you failed. You set yourself up for that. But you’ll still probably stop doing it.
Try a different intent to your goal setting, instead.
When you set goals that are based on being kind and loving towards yourself, you’re much more likely to stick with them.
Set goals that will actually make you happy. Set goals that feel good to you. And remember to tap into the good feelings you have about why you set these goals on a regular basis.
That’s how you can stay true to your goals throughout the year.
It may still mean that you want to be healthier, for example… but only because you love yourself and you enjoy it when your body feels good.
The difference is this: when you come from this place of self-love, then when your body is telling you that you need to stop pushing it quite so hard, to let it rest and recover, you’ll listen to your body and stop pushing it. And then, when your body is feeling up to it again, you’ll be able get back to your workout program without feeling guilty for taking a break.
You won’t feel like you failed, instead you’ll feel like you listened to and honoured your body’s needs.
Setting goals based on self-love allows you to adapt and adjust as you go, while losing the sense of guilt and failure. That means you’ll be much more likely to get back on track quickly when unexpected situations come along or things don’t go quite as you’d planned.
Being kind to yourself is the best way to rock your resolutions all year long.
As always, let me know in the comments if this post has helped you in any way.
To YOUR Abundance,
Julie Ann Cairns