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Why Being Kind to Yourself Unlocks Abundance

By Julie Ann Cairns | Abundance

Jul 18

You’re doing amazing things. Really, you are. But, you’re probably way too hard on yourself. 

Are you telling yourself that you need to come out of this time of turmoil and change with 17 new skills and a heightened clarity of purpose? 

Or are you telling yourself that if you don’t whip yourself into ‘getting the most’ out of this time… this time of – let’s be real – uncertainty, fear, and (for many) loss of control over the trajectory of life… then you’re somehow lazy, or unmotivated, or a failure?

Hang on a minute! 

Would you say all this to a friend? If a friend was having a tough time dealing with 

All. The. Things? 

If your friend was needing to be extra gentle with themselves, because what’s happening right now is triggering A LOT of emotional STUFF for them… would you tell your friend to just get a grip and snap out of it? 

Would you be that kind of friend? 

Are you that kind of a friend to yourself?

“You’re so hard on yourself. But remember, everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the mistakes that gave you wisdom, at the suffering that gave you strength. Despite everything, you still move forward. Be proud of this. Continue to endure. Continue to persevere. And remember, no matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise again.” – from www.lessonslearnedinlife.com 

So many of you work really hard! You care so much about your family, your friends, and your loved ones. Many of you are caring for elderly parents, caring for kids or sick family members. Or all of the above! Some of you struggle with health issues yourselves. 

Many of you are working in stressful and challenging fields. 

It’s a LOT. But you keep on showing up – with love and care and kindness and dedication – doing your best despite all of the challenges you face.

I know all this, because these are the kinds of stories I hear from Abundance Coders who send me private email messages and responses to my posts. 

I’m both humbled and inspired by your stories. 

Because you’re so Abundant in spirit.

Yes, that’s right. Abundance is about way more than good luck, or enjoying the fruits of easy endeavours. It’s about way more than money or external metrics of success. It’s about taking what you’ve got to work with, and doing your level best. 

What does your “level best” even mean? It means doing your best from the level you are currently at. 

Not from someone else’s level. Not from where you wish you were already. From where you are NOW.

Abundance is about having enough confidence in yourself to do some hard things sometimes. But it’s ALSO about having enough self-compassion to forgive the fact that you won’t always get it right. 

Your pace is your pace, your journey is your journey. Your lessons are your lessons. And where you are right now, is okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s the jumping off point for the next evolution of your life, that you’ll create from this moment on.

Encourage yourself (and others) to be the best person that you can be and to live your best life. That’s all. But do it with a good dose of compassion and kindness. 

Self-compassion and kindness is the secret sauce that helps to unlock your next level of Abundance. True story. 

Driving yourself relentlessly is not the answer. And being unforgiving of your innate human-ness just leads to burn-out.

Abundance is a Healed State of Being

You can be whoever you want to be, and do whatever you want to do, if you believe in yourself and you believe it’s possible. Beating yourself up along the way is not helpful and (in my experience) that doesn’t even work.

The Abundance Mindset is not about denial. It’s not about labelling the tough experiences as “fine, no problem” and papering over the things that are hard or that hurt with pretty flowered wallpaper. 

I’ve often said: that’s like putting wallpaper on a mouldy wall. Eventually the mould grows through. 

Getting real enough to assess the true state of your life so that you can deal with what needs to be dealt with, first – even if it’s just your belief system that needs to be worked on – is an essential part of an abundant response to life.

The only way you can get truly real with yourself is if you wrap yourself in self-love at the same time. Otherwise, it’s too hard.

Many of us have been taught to ‘soldier on’… but the truth is, that’s just like walking wounded. 

True Abundance is a healed state of being.

The first step, before you can move past something tough, is to acknowledge what’s really going on underneath. Honour your feelings. Look at your beliefs. Don’t run. Face them. Process them. Be with them, and have some deep compassion for yourself while you do that sacred inner work. 

(If you’re not sure how to process your feelings in a useful way, without re-traumatizing yourself, check out the “subtle art of surfacing” technique I wrote about in this blog. And if you’re not sure how to change your subconscious limiting beliefs about money, success and abundance then check out my book The Abundance Code: How to Bust the 7 Money Myths for a Rich Life Now available on Amazon.) 

It’s okay to be wherever you are, however you are, right now. Treat yourself exactly the same way a compassionate and unconditionally loving mother would. Kiss all your scrapes and bruises, big and small. 

Once you’ve spent some time being with your feelings, acknowledging them and being compassionate with yourself, THEN you can look at charting a course to where you’d rather be. 

If you deny where you are right now, how can you make the journey to where you want to be? How will you know where to start?

You can have the life you dream of. The journey from where you are now to where you want to be, starts with a single step. But if you don’t accept and acknowledge how things truly are, right now, warts and all… acknowledge it all with love and compassion and radical kindness for yourself… then it will be hard to identify and take the steps that are really going to propel you forward.

Here’s what I know from talking to so many Abundance Coders, just like you, over the past few years:

You want a better life, of course you do… and often not just for yourself but for others too. 

You want to make the world a better place. 

You want to find your unique purpose and live it. 

You want to live a full and extraordinary life – even if that means just being extraordinarily grateful for all the different kinds of abundance that surround you. 

You have a beautiful vision for your life, and for the world. 

Keep that flame alight! Now more than ever! It does you credit and it will guide you.

You’re incredibly resilient. Life hasn’t always dealt you the easiest hand, but you sure have done your best with it so far. 

You keep on keeping on, and improving yourself in so many ways. Even when you’re tired. Even when it’s hard. You still rise. You persevere. 

(Do you know how admirable that is? How much of an abundance of spirit that takes?)

Still, I know you look around sometimes and think you’re falling short. Like, maybe like you could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done better. If only.

Maybe you feel guilty too. Or less than. And maybe that’s because you’ve compared yourself to the polished exteriors that other people present to the world. 

Some people refrain from sharing the messy stuff. They hold back because they’re too afraid or ashamed to reveal the whole truth of themselves. And because of that, you can’t see the true mess behind their facade, and you might feel like they’ve got it all together so much better than you do. 

Well, for the most part, they don’t. Trust me. 

It’s okay to be inspired by other people, to look to them to see what’s possible for you too… but please don’t allow ‘comparison-itis’ to make you feel less than. 

(I talk in more depth about the problem of comparing your backstage to everyone else’s front of stage in this blog).

You’re amazing. Really. 

This week, I hope you take some time to acknowledge and congratulate yourself on how far you’ve come and how much you’ve overcome and achieved, to get where you are now. 

Celebrate how capable and resilient you are!

Be excited, too, and inspired by how you can apply all of the things you’ve learned and all the skills you’ve gained so far… and utilise all the support that’s out there for you to grow and evolve even more moving forward… so that you can live your best, most Abundant life.

As always, scroll down and let me know in the comments if this post has helped you in any way.

To YOUR Abundance,

Julie Ann Cairns

P.S. I mean it. Do something nice for yourself, okay? Even if it’s just making a cup of tea and taking time out for some quiet moments of reflection. Some moments of kindness and recognition for yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back. Because you deserve it! 

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